A special assignment
by Daniellee217
Summary: AU: Kensi is completely broken when she finds out she is pregnant. What will happen to her and how will it influence her partnership with Deeks.
1. Just found out

_This is a storyline I had running through my head a long time and when I ran into this site last week, I decided to write the story down.  
It is good for you to know that English is not my main language (I'm from the Netherlands) so if you see linguistic faults in the story: please tell me. And this is the first story I've ever written, so please be patient with me! :)  
This chapter is just an introduction to the story and if you guys like it, I'm gonna continue writing the story, but if you all think it's very bad, than I stop writing it. So please tell me what you think of my writing, the story and the storyline._

_\- I had this (not-finished) story published before, but it was deleted by fanfiction because it violated the guidelines (Main reason for removal: "Not allowed: interactive, chat/script, real person, mst, and etc.") I am publishing it again now, rewriting it and I hope it is better now and I intend not to violate the guide-lines so if you see anything that have to write in another way so I am not violating the guidelines then please PM me._

She was devastated. There is no other word for it than simply devastated. She was just completely devastated. At the moment she saw those lines appear on the test, Kensi completely broke down. Of course, somewhere deep inside, she already knew. She had morning sickness and she had missed her period. The morning sickness she shifted away as just nausea, maybe even as the pain that always came before her period began. If she had looked more clearly, she had seen that everything what was happening was telling her what was going on. The fear she had wasn't just a fear anymore. Her worst fear, from which she knew that it would turn her whole world upside down, became reality: she was pregnant.

After what had happened the last couple of weeks, she thought that the worst things were behind her. Things were looking up, thanks to her partner, who had selflessly helped her through all of it. But now, the world had threw another thing at her, pregnancy.

Her thoughts were running around in circles right now, from the child, unto the father of the child, to her job, to the team, to her partner, to everything and back again to the child and running through the whole circle again. She had no idea what she should do. There was nothing she could do to calm her mind. Whatever she did, the pregnancy kept running in her head.

_What am I gonna do? There is no way that I am gonna get rid of the baby, but can I be a mom, can I raise this kid on my own?_ She thought. _How am I gonna be bad-ass-Blye by day and a sweet loving mom by night. I even haven't seen my own mom in fifteen years. I don't have a example of how to be a mom. The baby deserves a better mom, than what I can be. The baby deserves a family, not being a family with just me. I can do no good to a child. I am to messed up._

_Can I even carry this baby for nine months without harming him or her? Him or her, will it be a boy or a girl? Okay Kens, don't even go there, like that would make a difference in my ability to raise the kid. Oh my, what a mess have I created here for myself. Well, not only for myself. In a couple of months I can't work until the baby is here and I can't watch Deeks' back in the field, he's my partner and I have to have his back anytime. A big mess for Deeks too then and a big mess for the rest of the team having to function with a man down. Oh my. _Those thoughts kept running through her head and after a while she was fed up by it all. It was just to much to handle.

Eventually she decided to go to bed, trying to sleep and in that way to escape reality and the agitation that came from the reality. She couldn't fall asleep until at a point she was too tired from crying and thinking, that she automatically fell asleep, exhausted by all the things that evening had brought.

The pregnancy kept running through her head even the next day when she went to work. Whatever she was doing, the pregnancy and the consequences of the pregnancy were always on her mind. Therefore Kensi hadn't been able to be fully concentrated on the job at hand. Luckily it had been an easy case and she hadn't needed her full attention on the case. Her mind just went back to the thought of being pregnant all the time. Kensi had no idea what she could do.

The responsibility of having a child, first of all the pregnancy in which she had to carry the child inside of her for another 33 weeks, and then the upbringing of the child, the responsibility is big. Beside that there was the question on how she should tell the people around her. Being pregnant, that is not just something.

How would the team react when she told them, Hetty, Sam and Callen, Eric and Nel, and her partner Deeks. She knew she had to tell them, but she had no idea how. Not that she could keep it hidden forever. You can't carry a child inside you for nine months without anyone noticing, and then like having a child would be something nobody would see.

_It will take at least another six weeks before I start showing and by then at least Deeks would see something._ She thought. _I have another six weeks to think about how on earth I am gonna tell everybody that I am pregnant._

With thinking that she would have another six weeks to think about how to tell people she was pregnant, she hadn't counted on her partner, who had seen much earlier than those six weeks that something was going on with Kensi. Of course not by a baby bump, because there wasn't a thing to see, but by the look in her eyes, because of the worry he could see written all over her face.

Deeks had seen that Kensi was somewhere else with her mind. She hadn't been fully concentrated that day and he wondered what was bugging her. It was nothing like her to be this quiet. Kensi always talked much or at least always responded when he said something. She was always bickering with him, not that that was something negative. He instantly missed the craziness which was always there between them, the banter that was always there between them. He was worried about her and therefor, he decided to ask Kensi what was wrong. There was nobody else left in the bullpen, so they could talk without anyone hearing them.

"Kensi, are you all right?" He asked his partner, who was instantly shocked by his question and immediately went into defending mode. _How on earth does he know something is wrong._ She thought.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why are you asking." She answered, lying, because she didn't wanted anyone not even Deeks to know what was going on, but Deeks immediately knew that she wasn't fine. He knew she wasn't telling the truth, he knew his partner to good for that and he decided to ask more questions. He really wanted to know what was bothering his partner and help her.

"Come on Kensi, You say you're fine, but you and I both know that that's not true." Deeks said and he looked at Kensi caring. "Kens, you know you can tell me everything, right?"

She could hear the concern in his voice and when she looked up to meet his eyes tears began to fill her eyes and she broke down, tears streaming down her face. Deeks put his arm around her, trying to comfort her. Now he not only suspected that something was going, now he knew. It would take a lot for Kensi to break down like this. It took a while before Kensi finally calmed down. The hug Deeks gave her, put her at ease and she felt with the hug he gave, how much he cared about her. When she was calmer and could talk again she whispered, still with tears in her eyes: "Deeks, I, uhm," There was a short pause before she continued.

"I'm pregnant, Deeks" She finally said, with her voice almost breaking.

They were both quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say, just staring into each others eyes, Kensi biting her lower lip. Deeks was shocked by what Kensi had told him. He don't know what he had expected her to say, but it was definitely not this, this was the last thing what would have been on his mind.

He immediately thought about how Kensi and how she was feeling right now, how she was doing. What would be going on in her mind? _She is most definitely not happy about it. She looked worried today and if this is what has been on her mind, then she is worried about being pregnant._ He was really worried about her. She has been the centre of his life for the past four years and she is the person he cares about most on this planet. He doesn't know when exactly, but he fell in love with her somewhere in those four years. Now she is pregnant and the kid can't be his, but he isn't concerned about that, he isn't thinking about that right now.

There is not a moment when he is thinking about the relationship with his partner, which had been just friends at that point, while he was hoping for something more in the future. His only concern for this moment is the well-being of his partner. That is the most important thing at all times.

Given the fact that she just bursted into tears, he knows the pregnancy wasn't planned. He knows that there isn't a guy in Kensi's life at the moment after those six difficult weeks which are behind them. If that had been the case, she would have told him, right? How on earth could she have gotten pregnant in those weeks? Deeks wonders what exactly happened and what is making Kensi this upset. It is Kensi they are talking about, bass-ass Kensi. You can't get her confused this easy.

"Who is the father?" He asked. It is the first question that popped up in his mind. The answer to that question would make a lot of things about this situation a lot clearer. Kensi looks at him and he sees how much pain is in her eyes when she thinks about the father of her child._ Maybe it was the wrong question to begin with._ He thinks, but he doesn't take his question back. He just waits and gives her the time to answer. He put his arm around her. It comforts her a little bit. Because of the pain involved with this question it took a while before she answered his question.

"Frank" she said hesitatingly, making Deeks shock bigger than it was before, but also giving him an explanation of the pain he saw in her eyes when he asked her.

"Frank as in the guy who after you slept with him tried to kill us?" He asked astonished. He thinks back at that moment six weeks ago, that had changed their life's forever.

"Yes" she said and her eyes started to water again.

"O Kens, Come here." he said when he took her in his arms and tried to comfort her.

"It's okay" He said and he feels Kensi's body become still again.

"It is gonna be okay. I'm here."


	2. Just found out - the follow-up

_I wanna thank everyone for the reviews! I have decided to continue writing the story. This chapter is the ending of the talk between Kensi and Deeks from the previous chapter. (that's why i named chapter two: chapter 1b ;)) I like to hear what you think of this chapter and how the story is continuing._

_\- The sequel of chapter one, the first time I published this, I had started with chapter one, and when the reviews were good, I finished chapter one and published it in chapter to, so here is the rewritten version of chapter 2_

Kensi was amazed by the course of the conversation, amazed by his reaction, but also amazed by her own reaction, amazed by how quickly she felled at peace in his arms. In his reaction she'd noticed how much he cares for her.

Thinking about it, was like thinking about something that was impossible, it is way over her head, that someone can care for you so much, especially when that person knows that she carries the child of another man, a terrible man, inside of her. They were standing there for a couple of minutes, deep in thought, finding rest in each others arms.

She had met Frank a couple of months ago and he had tried to, as she later found out, come close to her to win information about the team. He had succeeded and Kensi had fallen for him. He seemed just perfect, a real 'prince perfect', in everything he did. He even became so important to her, that she slept with him, thinking that he was 'the one' and they would always be together.

A week after they first slept together, the terrible thing had happened. Frank had followed her to a factory where they had to go to for a case. Once the team was there, who by the way were the only people inside, Frank had stepped inside the factory and he had started shooting around.

She still doesn't know why he had started shooting around. It is simply a miracle that the whole team was unharmed. Frank hadn't survived that gunfight. When the team got bullets fired their way, they fired back and Frank was hit by one of the bullets she had fired, not knowing that Frank was the person firing at them. She was the one who had hit him.

She was completely in shock when she found out it was Frank who had been firing at them and that it was Frank who she had killed. In shock because Frank had fired at them, in shock because Frank had died, in shock because she was the one who killed Frank and well there was nothing in the whole situation that didn't caused Kensi to be in shock. It was Deeks who had calmed her and who had taken her back to OSP.

Kensi often thinks back to what happened that day and the time before that day. She doesn't understand how she had fallen for it, that she had fallen for him. It really was to good to be true. It almost had cost her her life and more importantly the life's of her team members and Deeks' life especially. Deeks, she can't fight the smile of her face that appeared when she thinks about him.

Deeks, her sweet and caring partner, he is the one who helped her through the past few weeks, who helped her to deal with the guilt she felt. He was there for her, always, no matter what. He has always been there since the start, but the last couple of weeks, she had felt it more than ever and she had let him in to help her.

Even now when she is completely broken, now when she had, burst out in tears, told him that she is pregnant, he is here for her. She now knows more than ever that no matter what, he will be there for her. He always gets her at ease and he is the only person in her life whom she can tell everything that goes on in her mind and by who she can pour her heart out.

Deeks kept Kensi close to him. His thoughts are going everywhere and he is really worried about his partner. How is she holding up with these circumstances, what does she think about it, what is it doing with her. After a while his thoughts also get to the relationship he has with his partner, feeling guilty that he is thinking about it, that their relationship is on his mind right now, when things are not going to well for her.

He had the feeling they'd gotten closer the past month, after the shooting. The walls around her where slowly coming down, she let him look inside her heart, bit by bit, and she shared more about her life. At the same time he realizes that now Kensi has found out that she is pregnant, the walls she had built around her, are without a doubt higher then ever before. He also knows that those walls have to come down. Not only if he wants to get closer to her, but especially and most importantly if he wants to help her through this.

"Hè, Kens" He whispered "You know that I'm here for you, that I will help you to get through this. Wherever you need me, whatever you want me to do. Even when it means that you want me to do nothing. I'm here." Kensi looked him in the eyes and lightly smiled at him. It felt good to have him at her side, she thought. "Thank you", she whispered back.


	3. Fridayevening

_Now it is time for the rest of the story. There is a lot of Deeks and Kensi this chapter, but the rest of the team is coming later in the story too. I would like to know where you guys want this story to go and how you think about my writing._

_\- An old chapter like new again. There was a lot of interactive script here and I tried to rewrite it with the same story but less direct interaction. I'd like to now what you think of this chapter._

In the following week, they hadn't spoken about the pregnancy a lot. Deeks knew that he shouldn't push Kensi into talking to him, but every time she looked at him, he looked at her with a loving smile to let Kensi know that it was okay and that he would be there for her and each time there appeared a smile om Kensi's face too.

He saw that she still was disconcerted by the new pregnancy, but at the same time he saw that she was better than she had been at the beginning of the week when she was completely broken down.

It was friday afternoon and when they'd finished the paperwork, Deeks looked with caution at his partner. "Hé, Kens", he began hesitatingly, "Would you like to go out for a drink tonight?" He was afraid she would say no, but to his own amazement she smiled at him and said: "Yes i would love to. I could use some distraction."

Deeks thought it would be nice to go into town to a nice café, but Kensi wasn't ready for such a crowd. Therefor they decided to go drink something at Deeks' place. They sat together at the couch with a glass of coke.

Deeks had decided to drink something non-alcoholic too, so that Kensi, who wasn't allowed to drink alcohol because of the pregnancy, wouldn't have to think to much about the pregnancy as she saw Deeks drinking an alcoholic drink. She needed distraction from the pregnancy.

"How are you feeling Kensi?" Deeks asked cautiously. Although he wanted to get her mind off of the pregnancy this evening, he wondered if she was bothered by nausea because of the pregnancy. He didn't dare to ask her directly. Kensi saw the diligence is his eyes and although she thought about the pregnancy, where she didn't want to think about, right away, there was something inside her that really wanted to talk about it and wanted to share her feelings and sorrows. She looked at Deeks and actually she knew she wanted to wanted to tell him, however difficult she will find it.

"I'm feeling fine." Kensi said. Deeks is looking Kensi in the eye and immediately knows that what she is saying isn't true. She isn't feeling fine. He looks at her tenderly, asking himself if he should push to open up, or if he should let her free. Luckily for him, Kensi begins to talk just at that moment. "Okay, maybe I'm not feeling perfectly good." she begins hesitatingly. "I have to puke at least once every day and sometimes I feel a little bit nauseous. But actually I'm really fine and it might have been worse. It is just belongs with the pregnancy." Deeks sends a little smile to Kensi and Kensi melted a little bit.

"It is pretty okay then?" Deeks looked inquiring at his partner. Kensi nods reassuring.

"Yeah, I'm feeling pretty okay. Well at least physically."

She holds still for a moment and feels Deeks' glance resting upon her. Crazy enough she feels good with that idea, though she first always was scared by that idea. Kensi feels at ease and decides to share her thoughts with Deeks. Talking about things is always good.

"Inside my head I'm still going mad." she continues, feeling Deeks still looking at her. She tells him that she is getting used to the idea of getting a baby, her little miracle, but that at the same time the consequences scare her. She tells him about being afraid to tell everyone, that she has to eventually and that scares her. She is afraid what everyone will think of her, with it being her own fault and the child having a terrible father.

"Kens, no one here will think any less of you when they find out that you're pregnant. I don't, you know that right?" He reassures her.

"I... I just always doubt what people will think of me. Thank you Deeks, I guess I need a reminder once in a while." A small smile appears on her lips.

"Well, I will give you that reminder anytime." She smiles at that.

"And yes, the biological father was a terrible guy, but that don't makes you or the baby any less wonderful." She falls silent when he says that. _He thinks I am wonderful? What does he even wants to say with that? What does he want me to say?_ She is confused.

"Deeks, I don't know what to say at that." He just smiles.

"You don't have to say anything, Kens. I just wanted you to know."

After a minute or so she continues with her story. One of the consequences of her pregnancy will be desk-duty, she is sure of that. "I can't do everything in the field now, running around pregnant and fighting while pregnant are not good ideas and I know that when Hetty finds out, she will put me on desk-duty immediately."

"Well, she has every reason to." Deeks adds and Kensi chuckles.

"Yeah, you're right, but that doesn't mean that I like it."

"I know. You don't have to like it. Everything to protect the baby huh." He winks.

"Yes, everything to protect the baby."

She tells him she is being afraid about the fact that she will never ever be alone again, that she will be responsible for someone else's well-being. "I'm gonna be a mom, me badass-blye as mother of a child. Do you see the picture? Always having to do the right thing. I will mess up a child."

She tells him that she is afraid that she wil not be a good mom and that what maybe scares her the most is the thought that the child will look like his/her father and she will be remembered of him everyday and that she will lengthen that into the child, who has done nothing wrong, who has done nothing to her. "I don't know if I will be able to give the child all the love it deserves."

Kensi just kept talking. Every sorrow, every insecurity, she had hold in for some time, she gets it all out, Deeks overwhelmed sitting next to her. Deeks had hoped that she would share it with him one day, but he never expected her to do so, let alone throwing it out at once.

"I just don't know what to say right now." Deeks told her, sharing what he thought. "It is a lot what you are telling me right now."

Kensi looks at him all afraid. She is afraid that she pushed him to hard, that he is so overwhelmed that he won't be there for her anymore. Deeks sees her fear and immediately says.

"Kens, I am really glad that you want to talk to me about it. I wanted to tell you that first." Deeks is quiet for just a moment as he sees his partners face brighten up.

"Kensi, I think it's really a great thing that you want to think about your child and want it to get a lot of love. It is something you wanna give to your child and if that's your intention, than you have a lot of love for you child, even though it will not be easy at some times. Worrying is something good, because it means that you care. You must not worry to much however. I believe from the bottom of my heart, that you will give all you love to your child and that that is everything the child needs and more. You are gonna be a great mom Kens, behind you badass personality there is a lot of love, I am sure of that."

Tears are in Kensi's eyes when she looks at Deeks. She is touched by his words, all the sweet and caring things he said to her. Every time again he knows just what to say, what she needs the most.

"Thank you Deeks" she whispers and she crawls closer to Deeks. Deeks puts her arm around her and Kensi puts her head on his shoulder. They find rest in each others arms.


	4. Waking up

_Finally another chapter of the story. I am trying really hard to write better (and longer) chapters and I am really thankful for all of you who write reviews. I'd like to ask you guys to write more reviews with your comments, so I can learn how to write better._

_\- Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I had a really busy period at university and it was (still is by the way) really imminent period at school. Now I just have to wait until the tests are looked over, so I have time to write._

The next day Deeks was the first one to wake up. He looked surprised down on his lap, seeing Kensi laying there. He had his arms put around her and she seemed calm. Deeks wanted to keep looking at his at that moment still sleeping partner. He enjoys seeing her at ease, but to be honest to himself, he enjoys holding her in his arms more, keeping her strong against him. He didn't want her to wake up, because he knew that she would be startled and she would definitely push herself out of his arms immediately. Deeks kept laying on the couch as still as he could, trying not to wake her, and at the same time enjoying the sight of his sleeping partner.

When Kensi woke up, it took her a while to figure out where she was. She felt Deeks arms around her and when she looked around, she saw that she was at his place. She felt save in his arms, knowing that he would stay with her forever. She turned her head to see if Deeks was awake, but his eyes were still closed and she did her best to let him sleep, afraid that he would let go of her when he woke up.

Kensi was scared when she thought about what Deeks really means to her. They are laying in each others arms at the moment and she enjoys his touch, his presence around her. Deeks has always been special for her and now when she is looking back she knows that he has always been more than a partner for her, and at least a very good friend. And still, she got into things with Frank, he almost looked to good to be true, as when she thinks about Deeks, he is even more perfect. Why was Deeks never in her thoughts when she thought about a relationship?

Maybe that is, Kensi thinks, because she always thought that Deeks was out of her league. He was her partner and no way that she meant more to him, than just a partner or maybe a good friend. Now she knows what she is feeling and what she really had felt all those time.

Somewhere in their four-year partnership, she fell in love with Deeks. Even now, when she is laying in his arms, she is afraid. She doesn't believe that Deeks can feel something for her too. He is just nice and wants to be there for her, because she is his partner, that's all, Kensi thinks. Therefor she tries to enjoy this moment even more, laying in the arms of her partner, feeling his firm grip around her.

While they both don't know that the other is awake, they are both enjoying laying in each others arms. Kensi turns her head one more time to see if Deeks is awake yet and he has his eyes open. They look each other in the eye for a moment, Deeks still having his arms around his partner. Deeks is surprised to see Kensi smiling. He almost doesn't believe that she was okay with laying in his arms, let alone actually enjoying laying in his arms. At that same moment the phone rang. Worst timing ever, Deeks thought and he saw Kensi thinking the same thing. Deeks let go of Kensi and Kensi stood up so Deeks was able to get his phone.

"Deeks" he opened the phone call.

"A good morning to you to, G." Kensi understood it was work and she listened to Deeks, who repeated Callen's words so Kensi knew what was going on, for which Kensi was grateful.

"So a dead marine was found and the team has to come to OSP immediately." With Deeks saying that, Kensi knew that their quality time was over.

"Yes Kensi is here to so you don't have to call her."

"No, nothing happened, we just were at my house to drink something and watch a movie and we fell asleep at the couch while watching the movie. Deeks hoped that Callen wouldn't be worried, Kensi wouldn't benefit from more people knowing what was going on at this time.

"Okay, I'll see you later."

"There is a case?" Kensi asked Deeks.

"Yes, and that at a early saturday morning. Don't criminals have weekend rest?" Kensi laughed at his last statement. Deeks was being his normal joking self and without even thinking about it, he made Kensi even more happy. At that moment however she thought about what Callen must have thought when he heard that she was at Deeks place this early.

"Wasn't Callen spooked because I was here at your place?" she asked Deeks anxiously. Although she wants to eventually end up here every night, which Deeks even don't know and won't for a while if it is up to her, afraid that it wil ruin their partnership, she really doesn't want the rest of the team to know.

"No, he knows nothing. Although you have to tell him what's going on at some time, you can do it whenever you're ready to." he assured her.

"Okay, that's great." Kensi said with a little smile on her face.

"Let's go then." Kensi said and her partner nodded consenting.

When they came at OPS, Callen and Sam where already there. Nell briefed them quickly. "This is lieutenant McCartnery. He was found dead this morning in an alley in the suburbs of LA. The lieutenant lived alone and doesn't have any family for as far as we know."

"Okay, Sam and I will go to the crime scene and Kensi and Deeks, you two go to the lieutenant's home."

"Okay, that's going to be ok." Deeks and Kensi said simultaneously and walked quickly out of OPS, leaving Sam and Callen smiling.

"G., it is not normal how simultaneous these two do everything. How long do you think it takes for them to find out they where made for each other?" Sam asks his partner. Callen had to laugh at this statement.

"Well, I give them four more weeks." Sam looks inquiring at his partner.

"Four weeks? Well I think they are married by then." Callen bursted out in laughter at that estimation.

"Well, we'll see. Now first we have to go to the crime scene." and Callen and Sam also left OPS.


	5. Heading home

_A lot of Densi in this chapter. I really tried to postpone some things (hint hint ;)), but while writing, I couldn't stop it. Have fun reading and I like to hear what you think about this chapter._

_\- Another chapter, in two days (more like one day, but technically it is two days because it is past midnight in the Netherlands. ;)) This was the last chapter I wrote before it was deleted last time. I have two chapters ready in Dutch, so I just have to translate them. After those chapters, I have to write new ones. Oh, and I still like the reviews! :)_

It took a while before they finally could go home. Callen and Sam where gone before anyone noticed. Deeks looked at Kensi and Kensi simply melted inside when she saw his glance. "Hé" Deeks said with a soft voice, his mouth still forming a smile.

"Hé" Kensi answered, with a voice just as soft as her partners.

"Do you need a lift to your car?" Deeks asked and a frown appeared at Kensi' face until she remembered that her car was still at Deeks place because they came together in his car to OPS that morning.

"Yeah, that would be nice." she said.

"Okay, let's go." Deeks said and they walked to his car. When they walked to the car, neither of them had said a word and unnoticed they had gone walking hand in hand.

When they came by his car, Kensi became aware that she walked hand in hand with Deeks. She looked at Deeks and Deeks moved one hand to her waist and he pulled her closer to him. He was afraid Kensi would pull herself back very soon but at his own surprise she even did a step forward. That gave Deeks the confidence he needed to go through with what he was doing. He laid his other hand on her cheek and brought his face closer to her. Kensi felt butterflies in her stomach and met his face halfway. She felt his lips gentle coming on hers and she kissed him back, her lips on his. The kiss was tender and at the same time deep and passionate. They had closed their eyes, but when they where both breathless and pulled their heads back, they looked each other in the eye. The love was written in both of their faces and they just stared at each other, still speechless from what happened moments before.

"Kens, please say something." Deeks looked desperate at his partner, afraid that he had gone to far. Kensi saw his fear at tried to put him at ease.

"I just don't know what to say Marty. I think what just happened, whatever it means, is something we are both feeling. We both took a step in that direction and neither of us had backed away. Whatever it is we are feeling, that must mean something, right?" Deeks nodded, surprised that she had called him by his first name.

"I am just afraid that I have gone to far, that I pushed you to hard to do something you were not ready to do yet or something you will never be ready to do. I am afraid that by kissing you, I have lost you forever." He is scared by the last sentence he said. He had spoken out loud what just happened and that is something difficult for both of them.

"Marty, you have done nothing wrong. It is okay and whatever it is that we're feeling, we'll figure it out. You will never get rid of me, okay? You just fanned the fire that was already burning. I know that I want it, but I am just busy with the whole pregnant thing in my head and I just don't know yet how I am gonna get those thoughts together, how I can fix this." Deeks nodded approvingly, reassured by the words Kensi had just spoken. It gives him the courage to say what is on his heart for a while.

"Okay." He says smiling.

"We'll figure it out, you and me. I love you Kensi Marie Blye and the pregnancy hasn't changed that. It just makes me want to be there for you more than ever, be there for you and the child that's growing inside of you. I wanna give you all the love that is in me. I don't wanna go faster than you want, do things you are not ready for. I have taken the first step, and it is your job to take the next step. I'll be waiting as long you need to take that step. In that way I know that I will not walk past you, but walk aside you. We will keep talking about where we are, about where you are all the way, okay?"

A smile appears at Kensi's face. "You never say out loud what I am about to say to you, but Marty sometimes you are too good for this world." Deeks chuckles.

"I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship, but I know you are the most important person in my life and I hope I will be ready eventually. I know I wanna be with you, wanna talk with you and wanna lay in your arms, just like we did this morning when we woke up, although a bed will lay better than a couch for the next time. I know I'm ready for that, it felt good."

"Okay, I can do that." Deeks says smiling and he puts a smile on Kensi's face.

"Shall we go?" Deeks asks. Kensi nods.

"Yes, that's good." They both step into the car and drive to Deeks house. On the way they don't speak, but that's alright. The silence is comfortable and it gave Kensi and Deeks the space they needed to think about what happened a couple minutes ago. Once in a while one of them looks aside and that gave ease. They knew that it would come, the thing they wanted to be and whatever long it would take, it was something they both looked forward to.

When they came at Deeks house, they waited a minute before getting out of the car. Kensi stood there thinking about what to do. She wanted to go home, get some rest, sleep in her own bed, but the idea of being with Deeks was also nice. "Hé, just go home, get some rest, a night sleeping in your own bed is good. I think you need it." Deeks said, as if he could read Kensi's mind. Kensi nodded and a smile appeared on her face.

"Can you read my mind?" she said and Deeks had to laugh.

"After four years of partnership, I can see when you are thinking about something and don't know what you wanna do. You making a choice here, it had to be about staying here or going home, so I thought I help you make you decision to do what is best for you." He winked at his partner and she laughed.

"Alright, let's go home then." Deeks took a step towards Kensi. Kensi saw his intention and came closer to him. She put her arms around him and Deeks did the same. They stood there for a moment in each others arms. When she withdrew herself, they smiled.

"I see you tomorrow Marty!"

"See you tomorrow Kensi, good night." Kensi went home. Deeks stood there watching until he couldn't see her anymore and went inside.

The weekend had been too long for Deeks. In reality it hadn't been too long. Saturday they'd had another case and only sunday they had time to rest. Deeks had been home alone all sunday long and the whole day his thoughts had gone to Kensi. How was she? Will she have thought about us? They had consciously chosen to spend that sunday apart, to put their thoughts together.


	6. The raid

_Everything from this chapter and the chapters after this, are never published in English before the story was deleted. I am really grateful for the reviews and the still growing amount of followers. So a thank you to all you guys! For the people who would like the rest of the team to know: patience, I have that planned (and written) but it is not coming yet. Have fun reading this chapter! (And of course I like reviews on this chapter too :))_

When they walked into OSP that monday to go on with the case, Kensi and Deeks were the first people there. It was a rarity that Sam or Callen weren't there before Kensi and Deeks. Deeks, who always came in last.

"Hey, partner." Kensi said while she threw a smile at Deeks. Deeks smiled back and by looking in each others eyes they knew it was okay, they were okay.

"Hey partner. How was your weekend, for what was left of it?" Deeks asked.

"Good. I haven't done much besides running to clear my head and think about things." Kensi told her partner.

"Running, huh, well give me the beach with the sea and a surfboard." They both had to laugh at Deeks reaction, knowing about the freedom and rest surfing brought Deeks.

"I guess you surfed all day long?" Kensi asked, as if that was not clear already.

"Was it that obvious?" They both chuckled at Deeks rhetorical question.

"And has your running given you new insights?" Deeks asked, looking for a way to get to know more about what was inside Kensi's head.

Kensi saw Deeks insecurity and said: "It has given me some clarity about what I want in the future. You, me, the little one. But I know I have to do baby steps, a little step at the time. Now being together, spending time together, later on more, more after that and I hope eventually raise the little one with you and living our life's together. We have taken the first step and I know what you want and that you are ready. I am just glad with where we are right now and when I am ready for the next step, you'll be the first to know."

There appears a big smile on Deeks face when he hears that. Kensi wants him, she is not ready now, but he knows she will be eventually. It is like his dream is coming true.

"Good. It gives me something to look forward to." Deeks says and at that moment Sam and Callen walk into OSP.

"Where are you looking forward to Deeks?" Sam asks.

"I looking forward to a weekend when criminals have decided to hold onto a monday till friday from 9 till 5 mentality." Deeks responds, fortunately having a answer ready immediately and everyone has to laugh at that.

Pffffrrrt. The sound of hard shrill whistle sounds from OPS as a sign that they have to go upstairs. There is a new development in the case and the team races upstairs.

"We found information that your suspects are in a warehouse, 1581 industrial street, the address is on your phones. There are 4 people inside and no innocent bystanders." Nell tells the team.

"Okay, let's go." Callen says and the team leaves to the warehouse.

In the car on their way to the warehouse Deeks wants to ask Kensi if she is okay with the raid and bringing herself and the baby in danger, but he is afraid to do so. Kensi sees him thinking and says: "Deeks, everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." he answers, without daring to say what he is thinking about.

"It just looks like you want to say something, and whatever it is, I want you to know that you can say anything to me, okay?" Kensi goes on.

"I, uhm, I, I was just thinking about the raid and that it is dangerous, and uhm, well, uhm, with you being pregnant and all, uhm, I thought that maybe it isn't a very good idea, but uhm, it is your decision and uhm I'm okay with it, and I don't wanna belittle you, but uhm.." Deeks stops talking when Kensi suddenly puts her finger over his mouth.

"It's okay, Marty. I know you mean well and you just care about me and the baby. Don't worry, okay? I will be more careful than normal and do everything in my power to make sure that the baby and I will go home safely." After this being said, there appears a little comforted smile on Deeks face.

The raid goes according to the plan and everyone comes unharmed out of it, even the suspects hadn't put up much of a fight, because apparently their life was more valuable than their freedom.

When they come back at OSP they immediately begin with their paperwork.

"That paperwork can wait until the morning. You guys can use some rest after this morning. Go home and I'll see you in the morning." Hetty says.

She had spooked everyone by sneaking up on them as usual. But after her words get through to them, they are out in no time. Before anyone can say anything Callen and Sam have already left the building.

"Shall I walk you to your car?" Deeks asks Kensi and she nods.

"Yeah, that's okay."

While they walk towards the car, Kensi says: "See it went well today."

"Yes, we had a good day with this raid. And Kens, you know I don't doubt you, okay? I just worry about you. You're more vulnerable now."

"Yeah, I know. I know you trust me and you just worry. It is actually kind of sweet." she says with a smile, which puts a smile on Deeks face. In the meantime they arrived at the car.

"Well uhm, I see you tomorrow?" Deeks says carefully.

"I see you tomorrow." Kensi says and she pulls Deeks into her for a hug. Deeks holds Kensi tight when Kensi hides her face in his shoulder. After a while they retreat. Deeks gives Kensi a kiss on her forehead before he walks towards his car. He'd like to stay with Kensi longer, but he knows it is her choice for now. At the same time a blissful feeling becomes part of him after the intimate moment just before when they'd hugged each other.


	7. Sleeping in each others embrace

_Two chapters in a short time, don't get used to it ;)_

_P.s. Spoiler ;): after the next chapter, the team has found out about the pregnancy._

The same evening Kensi was standing in front of Deeks' place. She doesn't know why, but her normal evenings are not good enough anymore. In the past the idea of watching a movie with some ice cream or getting a bath with a good book, was her idea of heaven, the perfect things to do in her free time. Since she has known Deeks, all of that is just not enough anymore. She became attached to the evenings with her partner sitting on the couch. She misses Deeks terribly. The hug he gave her when they left OSP, had filled her with a feeling of warmth and safety. When she closed her eyes, she could still feel his arms around her. The moment she opened her eyes again and saw that she was home, the feeling of warmth and safety left her again. It was cold and she was alone. After a while she couldn't stand the silence and the loneliness anymore and she had gotten in her car, on her way to her partner. That was where she found herself at this moment, in front of his front door. She stood in front of his door for a while and she doesn't know if she dares to ring the doorbell.

After a couple of minutes standing in front of Deeks door, she rings the doorbell cautiously.

"I'm coming." she hears Deeks calling and soon after that, the door opens. Deeks is surprised when he sees Kensi standing on his doorstep.

"Hey." Deeks says, still astonished by the fact that she is here. He doesn't know who he had expected to see at this time when he opened the door, but it wasn't Kensi.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hey Marty, I uhm.." Kensi don't dare to speak out loud what has brought her to Deeks. She knows somewhere inside of her, what exactly she is feeling and what the reason is for her coming here, but she is not ready to find the words to describe it to him.

Deeks feels that and says: "Uhm well it is okay anyways, come in!" Kensi is grateful that she doesn't has to say anything. How he knows her this well, that he always knows what she needs, he even doesn't know himself, but she is very grateful and she steps inside while Deeks closes the door behind her and they walk inside.

"Can I give you something to drink?" Deeks asks, being a good host. But Kensi sees that before she arrived, he was getting ready to go to bed and says: "No, it's okay. I see you where getting ready to sleep."

Deeks was indeed getting ready to sleep when Kensi rang the doorbell and he knows better then to lie to her. "Yes I was on my way to bed, but if you wanna talk then we're gonna sit down and if we're gonna sit down, why don't get something to drink then?" says he and he winks at Kensi.

"It's okay, go to sleep, I uhm.. I gonna go home." says Kensi, not confident enough to ask her real question for Deeks.

"No Kens, stay, you're welcome to stay." Deeks looks Kensi in the eye. _Maybe she just missed me. Wow, Marty why would you even think that? Well okay, maybe not missed but I really don't know what else is going on. I could just be with her and maybe that will help._

"Would you like to sleep here? I won't do any funny stuff and you can sleep at the right side." A smile appears on Kensi's face after Deeks' proposition.

"You're serious?" she asks, still surprised.

"Yes of course I am. Otherwise I wouldn't have said so. I take that this is you're way of saying, yes I would love to sleep here." Deeks says and Kensi nods.

Kensi follows Deeks to his room and put on his LAPD shirt and the jogging brook Deeks has given her. She crawls under the blankets.

"Uhm Kens, do you want me to stick to my side of the bed or is it alright if I put my arms around you?" Deeks wouldn't dream of anything better than laying in bed with Kensi in his arms, it would even be beneficial for his rest, but he gives her, like the gentleman he is, also the option of him not touching her. Kensi is really glad that Deeks is okay with her being in his arms.

"Can I lay against you?" she asks carefully and she sees a smile appear on Deeks face.

"I'd like nothing better than that." he says and Deeks put his arms around Kensi. When he does so, they both become more peaceful and in no time they both are into a deep sleep.


	8. Telling the team

_First of all a big shout out for the people who review my story! I really like to hear what you guys think of my story._

_Secondly I wanna thank you guys for your patience. I haven't uploaded anything in three weeks and I'm sorry. I am back from vacation and celebrating my birthday (the only day in that week when it was raining in the Netherlands). I'm 20 now and who knows, maybe because I'm no teenager anymore my writing is better. Well it isn't likely but a girl can dream right? ;)_

_Have fun with the next (short) chapter._

It was a week later when Kensi got bothered with morning sickness (_a lot!_) and she couldn't hide her pregnancy anymore at work. The many runs towards the toilet attracted everyones attention. Deeks of course knew what was going on and therefore wasn't worried that Kensi was sick and Hetty, Hetty just knows everything, although she hadn't called Kensi out on it. Callen and Sam however and of course Nell and Eric were clueless about what was going on. They didn't dared to ask Kensi directly what was going on, so Callen and Sam decided to ask Deeks.

"Deeks, what is going on with your partner lately?" They asked Deeks. "She is running towards the toilet much and it doesn't look good."

Deeks didn't know what he could say without raising suspicion. He knew that Kensi wasn't really ready to tell the team what was going on.

"She is just a little natious once in a while. She is fine. All she needs is some good nights sleep and she will be just fine. I'll make sure of it." Deeks said.

"Yeah, of course you will." Sam said with a wide grin on his face. That comment made Deeks blush and he wanted to get away really fast.

"Uhm, if that's all, I'm gonna go... check on my partner." Deeks said, and off he was. He walked towards the restrooms. That's where he found his partner.

"Are you okay, Kens?" He asked her.

"Yeah, I'm better now." She answered.

"Good." He says and he gives her a smile.

"Good." She casts back and now they are both smiling. The smiling partners walk back towards the bullpen, where Sam and Callen are still standing.

"Hey, Kensi. Are you better now? We saw you running towards the toilet. Are you sick or something?" Callen and Sam asked. Kensi looked at Deeks. When she looked at him, she saw his support and she knew that it was okay. She should tell them soon anyway. Still, she tried to hold back a little.

"I am just a bit nautious, nothing special, it's okay." Kensi says.

"Sure you're okay? Aren't you ill?" Sam asks worried.

"No, I'm not sick, just nausea." Kensi answers. She sees Sam's expression change.

"You're not..." Sam doesn't dare to finish his sentence. When Kensi spoke about just nausea, his mind went back to the time when his wife was pregnant with their daughter. _Kensi wouldn't be pregnant, right?_ He thought. Callen frowns and has no idea what Sam is insinuating. Deeks however thinks that Sam knows what is going on. Kensi nods at Sam.

"Uhm, well actually, that's exactly what's going on." she says and after a short pause she goes on, Callen still clueless. "I'm pregnant." she says, nervously biting her underlip. Callen and Sam look shocked. _How can she be pregnant? She hasn't been with a guy since Frank._ Callen and Sam both think.

"Jeez, Kensi, wow. How far along are you?" Callen asks after the shock has wore off.

"Nine weeks." Kensi answers, her hand now in Deeks soothing hand. Sam looks at Deeks, surprised not to see any shock on the face of Kensi's partner. He decides to say nothing at the moment and to say its okay to Kensi instead. In his head, Sam is counting back. _Nine weeks ago, wasn't she with Frank at the time? Oh my, like it wasn't difficult enough for Kensi already._

"Kensi, it is gonna be okay. You're gonna be great you know. And every step of the way, we'll all be there. If you need anything, anything at all, you just ask, okay?" Sam says. A smile appears on Kensi's face.

"What did I say, Kens?" Deeks said, smiling at Kensi.

"Yeah Shaggy, you were right, I'm not alone in this. But don't get used to being right." She says and everyone has to chuckle a bit at that last sentence.

When the laughter had died, Callen asks Deeks: "You knew?"

"What kind of partner would I be, if I hadn't known before you?" Deeks jokes.

"Yeah, yeah, don't get too big for your boots Deeks." Everyone sees Kensi flourish and it is obvious she is feeling better.


	9. Eating together

_It's been like forever since I wrote something on this story. Studying has been busy and I haven't had any vacation since the summer. Christmas' holiday has arived and I can go back to writing. Another chapter is finally here, so enjoy! (And please leave a review ;))_

"I hear that there are some changes to be made in the team." Hetty said, appearing out of nowhere. "Miss Blye, I am putting you on desk duty in about four weeks until week thirty-two when you are going on maternity leave. Detective Deeks, you won't be leaving OPS unless we absolutely need you to go. When you go, you go with mister Hanna and mister Callen or with miss Jones."

Kensi, although being disappointed for not being able to go into the field anymore in about four weeks, was relieved that when she wasn't able to leave the office, Deeks wasn't going into the field either or at least not going into the field alone.

"And miss Blye," Hetty continued "feel free to take some time off or go home early when you are not feeling well."

"Thank you Hetty." Kensi replied.

That night, when Kensi and Deeks got home, Deeks cooked them some pasta. He wants her to keep eating healthy especially now that she is pregnant. But at the same time when she smiles at him, he can't deny her anything. Like her donuts every morning. Coffee however, is something even Deeks isn't going to give to her. Now he is cooking her a healthy meal, when Kensi walks into the kitchen.

"Hey Deeks," she says.

"Yeah, Kens, what's going on?" He replies.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I am relieved that Hetty has banned you from going into the field unless someone else is going with you. I think it keeps me feeling better, knowing that when you are gone, there is always someone there to watch your back." Kensi tells him with a shy smile on her face.

"I don't like being banned from the field, but when it is helping you I will do it." He tells her with a smile.

"Thanks, Deeks."

"Anytime."

Deeks goes back to the cooking when Kensi goes to the couch. Kensi would offer Deeks to help him, but they both know that it wouldn't do much good. Cooking was still not Kensi's greatest talent. She is learning however when Deeks helps her once in a while.

After a fifteen minutes the pasta is ready and Deeks carries their plates into the livingroom.

"You know, I think the team reacted pretty well on the news, don't you think?" She asks him.

"They reacted great, indeed. Not that it was very surprising." He says and winks at her.

"As if your ego needed another thing to make it bigger than it already is.." Kensi sights.

"My ego can grow as long as the reactions of the team stay this positive, right?" Deeks asks her.

"Yeah, the reactions were great, so maybe I don't mind your ego growing this time." Kensi says.

They talk and tease each other throughout the meal and decide to watch a movie together. Of course it has to be the titanic. Deeks isn't about to argue with a pregnant Kensi. At the end of the movie, both of them have fallen asleep, Kensi laying in Deeks' arms and Deeks holding his arm protectively around Kensi's belly.


End file.
